www.catledrivers.com and it is a weird directional shift in a lot of ways. Yep I am back to painting in photoshop for finishes and yep, still black and white. I am going with a loose style for this since I am trying to breath some fun back into the book for both myself and the readers. The book is going in a new direction and the art is reflecting that.
I've also started to do and inked lettering for the pages since reading some Cerebus by Dave Sim and realizing how much I have neglected sound FX and lettering. Eventually I want to do all the dialogue and captions by hand but right now my handwriting just isn't there yet.
On the linked blog post for this page I talk a bit about trying to maintain the fun and enjoyable side of art in the face of real life, lack of time and depression. I don't think I'm spilling the beans here by sharing that most artists are emotional wrecks. I'm totally guilty of it too. It hits you when you'll least be able to stand it. Those feelings....UGH>>>>>>>>!!!!! Those feeeeeeelingssssss..... The feeling that you're not good enough and that you'll never be good enough. Everything you do turns to crap and you've been fooling yourself all this time. For me this hits when I've been away from the drawing table for too long and try to pick back up where I was the last time I sat down to draw. I'm always shocked that gold isn't just flowing out of the brush (or stylus). But it will sometimes hit when I'm at the day job and the pressure there gets to be overwhelming. I don't pretend that my job is like anyone else's. I know its high stress. I know that it is the exact opposite of what I want to be doing with my life but the money's been good enough to keep the lights on and food on the table. Sometimes though the feelings hit me while at work and there....there it could easily break me. The idea that this is just a bump in the road (a little detour on the road to success) morphs into a convenient lie I've been telling myself to be able to get through the day. That this is forever. Things aren't going to get better. LIFE IS HARD!!!!!
And BOOM! I'm in a bad mood! A desperate and frustrated person that nobody wants to be around.
Really the only cure for me is getting some work done and realizing that none of that matters. I'm young, healthy and married to the best person I've ever met. Things can always get worse and I rarely notice the good things until they're long gone.
Hell, I don't have answers for myself let alone anyone else. I read things like http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2013/11/surviving-post-employment-economy-201311373243740811.html and the "POST EMPLOYMENT ECONOMY" and the hope for a cushy "ART JOB" seems like a fairy tale I've been duped into believing. It probably is.
I took a drive up through Northern Wisconsin not too long ago and the real POST EMPLOYMENT ECONOMY is incredibly visible. Every house you go past has a car on the front lawn for sale, a sign offering to do some type of work, a shed or barn that has collapsed on itself and somebody sitting inside because they don't have a job to go to. Its crazy and its not getting better.
From my point of view---- If you're going to be an artist. You cannot do it for the prospect of a job. "SOMEDAY I WILL BE GOOD ENOUGH!!!" Its a B.S. reason to pursue this thing. Do it because you love it and can't imagine not doing it.
I was going to post the 4 versions of this drawing that I did. The struggle that I went through in laying this out and getting it just the way I wanted but what would be the point? All that matters is that its done and I can move on to the next piece.
FEEL BETTER you're not alone and ITS NOT YOUR FAULT.